


Presumed Dead

by Dvntknsn



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Slow Burn, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 16:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20678147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dvntknsn/pseuds/Dvntknsn
Summary: Saudade (adj.) Portuguese : A specifically crushing feeling of recognizing the fact that something you lost will never be found again.------------------------Nadia Romanov was lost; to her sister, the the world, to herself. The Winter Soldier was dead to the world around him.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I don't own anyone beyond my own writing and characters as they appear. I do not own any MCU characters. I won't be re-writing the movies, if they overlap some, I may skim through it to write in my own characters.Mature content will be coming - I will split them into their own chapters so you can skip as you wish.





	1. Prelude

Natalia Alianovna Romanova  
Born 22nd of November, 1971, Stalingrad  
Known Aliases: Natalie Rushman, Laura Matthers, Mary Farrell, Natasha Romanoff, Oktober, Yelena Belova, Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow  
Known Associates: KGB (eradicated), Hydra (at large), Madame B (dead), Nadia Aleksei Romanova AKA Scarlet Widow (presumed dead).

Natasha ran her finger over the last part, it always stung slightly reading the words that followed her name. Presumed dead. No one thought Nadia would reach graduation day, being the smaller of the two of them. Natasha always felt guilty whenever it was shown how much stronger she was than her sister, as if Natasha had taken her strength in utero. Nadia always scolded her when she showed any pity towards her, using their criticisms to push harder in their training. While still smaller in stature, Nadia could easily best any opponent, including her sister. Her hard work brought them onto an even playing field, which Natasha was grateful for – as it meant she wouldn't be forced to execute her own blood. Madame B did not seem pleased with the development of Nadia's skills, as it has always been that one Widow would survive to graduation – having two widows in one class tainted the title in her eyes. Natasha noticed how challenging Madame B was making it for her sister, but always beamed with pride whenever she stood back up and took down whatever enemy she was tasked with that day. Natasha felt her chest tighten, as she remembered waking up following her "transformation" as they call it the day after graduation and being told that Nadia didn't survive the surgery. Madame B told her with a slight scowl, muttering under her breath how she knew she wasn't strong enough to be deemed a Widow before leaving Natasha to her own devices. Everything hurt – she received multiple injections, with what she assumed to be the serums they injected her with as a child and several times through her training, but she also had incision sites on her abdomen which burned as she held in her sob. She knew she'd be punished if anyone heard her – she could not show weakness. She looked over at the empty bed that had once held her other half, the bed that she crawled into many cold nights in which they held each other to fall into a restless sleep. She could feel herself losing sight of everything that was once important to her. These people took everything from her, her freedom, her sanity, and now her sister. She couldn't stay in this room, it's emptiness was swallowing her, and after another check from her doctor, she made her escape – and hadn't looked back since.

Natasha was brought back to reality as she heard a drop of water hit the paper, bringing her hand up to wipe the moisture from her face. She slammed the file back onto the table – Steve had given it to her once S.H.E.I.L.D's information had been dumped to the public – so she could "be prepared" with everything the public would know about her. The file held all her known kills, all her known missions, all her failures, all her interrogations (both led and been questioned), and everything in between. But it didn't have anything on her. Her name printed on this piece of paper was all the proof Natasha had that Nadia had ever even existed, that she was anything more than a ghost.


	2. Unlocked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This story begins in what would be Civil War – I may edit story lines here and there to fit with what makes sense in the story. Enjoy!

Bucky's eyelids were heavy, searing headache making him clench his teeth. He moved to grab his head in agony, panic setting in when he noticed his metal arm did not move. Wearily he opened his eyes to examine the trap his arm was set in, pulling only slightly before a voice rang out signaling he wasn't alone. He looked over at the man who he recognized as the Falcon, as Sam Wilson, and he let out a sigh of relief. 

"Hey, Cap!" Sam yelled out, taking to his feet. Bucky looked at him quizzically as he took a defensive stance. Steve jogged into the room, crouching down to eye level with the restrained man. 

Bucky struggle to keep his eyes open, barely able to make out his best friends name, "..Steve." 

Steve let out a small sigh of relief, "Which Bucky am I talking to?".

"Your mom's name was Sarah. You used to wear newspapers in your shoes." Sam let of a snicker behind Steve, and Steve's hardened expression softened into a smile.

Steve placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder before standing up, "Can't read that in a museum." He chuckled before pressing a release on the vice holding Bucky's mechanical arm.

Sam Wilson crossed his arms approaching the two, skeptically looking between Steve and Bucky, "Just like that, we're suppose to be cool?"

Bucky furrowed his brows, pulling his arm back to his body and stretching his shoulder, "Wait, what did I do?"

Steve crossed his arms over his chest, letting out a sympathetic sigh before answering, "Enough." 

Bucky didn't need the details, he pushed his head against the wall behind him and grabbed at his hair. "Oh, God, I knew this would happen. Everything HYDRA put inside me is still there. All he had to do was say the goddamn words." He stood up and punched the wall out of frustration before turning to the two men. His eyes were a mix of frustration, exhaustion and guilt, and it broke Steve's heart. He walked to Bucky and placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. However, he knew their time was limited if we were to catch this man.

"Who was he?" Steve asked quietly, hand not leaving Bucky.

"I don't know." He responded softly, eyes searching his memory for answers. Steve shook his head, and gently pressed on.

"People are dead, Buck. The bombing, the setup. The doctor did all that just to get 10 minutes with you. I need you to do better than 'I don't know.'"

Bucky was silent for a moment before before looking up from the ground to his best friends begging eyes. "He wanted to know about Siberia. Where I was kept. He wanted to know exactly where." 

Steve looked to Sam, who looked more confused than ever, and then back to Bucky, "Why would he need to know that?"

Bucky returned his gaze to the ground, shaking his head, shoulders hunched in guilt, "Because I'm not the only Winter Soldier." 

Sam jumped in, now visibly agitated by Bucky's revelation. "What do you mean you're not the only Winter Soldier." He began to charge up to him, only to be stopped by Steve. "You don't think that was information you should share with the group?" He continued, not giving Bucky any time to answer either questions before he continued pacing around the room. 

"So let me get this straight, a man, this "Doctor", framed you for a bombing – so he has no problem with innocent people dying. Just to get you into a room and do some hocus pocus shit to your head, in order for you to give him coordinates of your old crib, where you just happen to have some crazy ass assassins, what, just hanging out waiting for orders?" He stopped pacing, hands on his hips, both him and Steve waiting for Bucky to answer.

"I.. I don't know why I didn't remember them.." Bucky looked broken, he has not made eye contact with either man in a long time. Sam stormed out of the room, apparently frustrated with the lack of explanation from the soldier. 

Steve stood in silence with his best friend, before squeezing his shoulder and clearing his throat. "Buck, I need you to give me these coordinates. We need to get there before this man has a chance to get ahold of them. But I am going to need you to brief us on the way, let us know what we're up against." Steve ducked his head, forcing him to make eye contact with the man, who slowly nodded. He took a pen and paper Steve pulled from his pocket and wrote down the coordinates. Steve hurried out of the room, Bucky slowly followed him, trying to work through the memories flooding back to him that this Doctor seemed to inadvertently unlock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry this one is so short - review, like, comment <3


	3. Alive

January 1989

Nadia opened her eyes, dread taking over her as she felt her heart drop as she looked around the unfamiliar room. Grey cinder blocks lined the wall, sterile concrete floor with what seemed to be blood stains splattered about. The smell of bleach burning her nostrils. She could feel the restraints around what felt like every few inches of her body, preventing her from even taking a full breath. She looked down at her left arm, seeing an I.V slowly dripping down into her veins. She couldn't feel anything, the dull aches that persisted in her shoulder and knees from injuries she'd sustained years ago that never healed properly, let alone any injury she probably sustained more recently. Her line of vision around the room hindered due to the angle of the table. She blinked several times, adjusting to the harsh fluorescent lights above her that illuminated the otherwise dark room. Her eye sight seemed more acute, she could read the small letters on the IV bag, 0.9% Sodium Chloride Solution. Saline; they were hydrating her. She squinted to try and make out the words on the file that sat on a small table a little ways from her. She was startled slightly as she heard the door open behind her, and immediately she closed her eyes, willing her adrenaline induced breathing to slow - pretending to still be unconscious to her new visitors. 

"Sir, she's been out for 3 days now. She should be awake by now. We have to begin to come to terms with the fact that the serum may have failed –" A second man stepped closer to her, before he interrupted the first.

"She's awake, Doctor," she felt the first man shift, before reaching to her neck to check her pulse rate. Nadia's eyes shot open, turning her head and sinking her teeth into the first mans hand before he was able to touch her. He yelled out in pain, and the second man grabbed her by the throat, slowly compressing her airway until Nadia released the man to gasp out for air. 

"Tsk tsk little widow, we don't attack our own here." He gruffly grabbed her jaw, forcing her head his direction, as he bent down to be eye level with her. His face near inches from her, he smelled like leather, gun powder and blood. Nadia scrunched her nose in discomfort, but kept her scowl locked on him. 

"My name is Vasily Karpov, my dear Nadia. But you can just call me sir." Nadia winced at the belittling tone he used to address her, but bit her tongue to maintain her silence.

"You must have questions, darling, I will allow you to break rank and ask those now." He released her, her skin tingling where blood flow began to resurface. The doctor brought him a chair, which he sat directly in front of her. He waited for her to begin speaking, and after a few moments seemed almost offended by her silence. Nadia had seen that look in several of her handlers back at the academy, it never ended well for Nadia. That was one thing she had learned about men, never bruise their ego – or they will bruise you physically.

"Where am I", she blurted out quickly before he could rise up from his seated position. A smug smirk came over his face as he relaxed back into the chair. 

"Siberia"

"How did I get here"

That question elicited a strange smile from the man in front of her. 

"Never has their been two Widows to graduate the academy - nor did the KGB have any interest in having two. They were just going to exterminate you, your presence apparently distracting to the Black Widow - but a guy owed me a favor, and let me take you off their hands." He leaned forward, elbows on his knees with his hands clasped together, Cheshire grin plastered across his face. Nadia remembered going under sedation – it was a part of the academy's graduation, they would sterilize you and finish their rounds of injections to make you, what they called, the perfect widow. She remembers squeezing Natalia's hand before the doctor plunged the sedative into her arm, and felt her hand fall away moments before going under herself. Her heart began to race. 

"Natalia.." she choked out, eyes welling with tears. 

"From what I understand she defected, the KGB has a hit out on her." Nadia relaxed slightly, her sister was alive, and hopefully out of the grips of their captors. That made one of them. The feeling of relief subsided, a feeling of dread returning as she looked between the man jotting down notes, and the one called "sir". 

"What did you do to me?" 

"Well, it just so happened that your arrival coincided perfectly with a recent... procurement. We have just come in to possession of what could possibly be the most powerful super soldier serum yet, developed by the United States." She narrowed her eyes at the man. "Now, the war may be over, but you see, our asset has become invaluable to us, being a super soldier himself, and we decided we need more like him. The serum used to create him has killed each and every other test subject, and having heard of the US developing their own, we figured we'd just wait it out, have them do all the heavy lifting." He was glowing now, so proud of his little scheme. "Lucky for you, it seems they've gotten it right this time." 

Nadia worked to process all the information he had given her. She would be lying if she said she wasn't relieved to be away from the academy and Madame B, but even though the man was smiling, she could sense there was something sinister behind that façade. She remained silent, not wanting to give the man too much in return. 

"Now, the doctor is going to examine you, and you are going to let him. Now as you are the first of our recipients, you will be put through a myriad of tests, to truly see the extent of the serums abilities. Doctor here will draw some blood and do some minor examinations here, but then we will be putting you through a battery of physical assessments. She felt the first man approach again, much more hesitant than the first time. She nodded slowly, and felt a needle penetrate her skin. She narrowed her eyes at the site, as she felt it penetrate, but did not feel the familiar sting of the breech. 

"How is your pain level? You had several unhealed injuries when you came in, according to the scans, they have all since been repaired." 

"I am numb." She responded curtly, laying her head back on the table, avoiding the old mans interrogating gaze. 

"So you don't feel this?" He prodded, and ran a finger down her arm. She rolled her eyes, already annoyed with the man. 

"I feel you touching me, yes." He hummed to himself, scribbling something on the notepad in his hand. 

"And what about this," she felt him press a larger bore needle into the top of her hand. She felt it pierce through her skin, but again no pain followed.

"I feel you stabbing me," she responded, agitation rising in her chest. Karpov standing from his chair to investigate the two's interaction, clearly intrigued by the line of questioning, a smile building.

"But no pain?" Nadia shook her head once. "Interesting," the doctor whispered, again seemingly only to himself, as he removed the needle, jotting down some more notes. 

Nadia could hear Karpov reach into his side pocket, her eyes still glued to the wall in front of her, and he swiftly unsheathed a blade and stabbed it deep into her thigh. Her eyes widened with shock and she glared at the man, who looked like he just won the lottery. The two men exchanged shocked and elated looks between each other before Karpov removed the blade and cleaned it off with his shirt. 

"Finish the exam swiftly Doctor. I would like to see how she handles herself against the asset. Immediately." He ordered. The doctor nodded frantically, pace hurried now as he scrambled to regain his composure. Karpov made his way to the door behind her, only leaning over to whisper into Nadia's ear, "I think you will be a great addition to our little family, dear Nadia." He smoothed down her hair, and Nadia could feel her skin crawling. The man disgusted her, and her whole body revolted from his touch. But she could only close her eyes after hearing the door shut behind him. She could feel herself visibly relax, as the doctor bandaged up her leg. 'You're alive, Nadia. You just need to survive.' She thought to herself. Little did she know just how difficult they would make that on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review, comment, suggestions welcome!


	4. Control

Steve breaks the silence as they prepared to depart "So, who were they?"

Bucky sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Their most elite death squad. More combined kills than anyone in HYDRA history. And that was before the serum." He gruffly slammed a clip into his gun before slipping it into his waistband. 

Sam looked at Bucky, "They all turn out like you?" 

His pained expression deepened as he muttered, "Worse."

Steve pressed on, trying to be gentle with his friend "The doctor, could he.... control them?"

Bucky shrugged, "With the book? He could do enough." 

"He said he wanted to see an empire fall." Sam stiffened while Steve spoke. 

Bucky nodded his head, deep in thought, "With these guys he could do it. They speak 30 languages, can hide in plain sight, infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize. They can take a whole country down in one night. You'd never see them coming." Bucky looked off into the distance again, mouth turned down in a slight frown, before he sighed and rubbed his eyes again, throwing his bag over his shoulder. 

Sam stepped up to Steve, speaking directly to him in a hushed tone. "This would have been a lot easier a week ago."

Steve turned to him, continuing their hushed conversation. "If we call Tony..."

Sam immediately shook his head, "No, he won't believe us."

Steve looked back to Bucky, tilting his head and sighing, "Even if he did..."

Sam joined Steve in watching the broken soldier, "Who knows if the Accords would let him help."

Steve moved to Bucky, placing an arm around his shoulder, ignoring how he tensed up at his touch. "We're on our own."

Sam pulled out his phone, "Maybe not." Both men perked up at his revelation. "I know a guy." He began to dial as he walked out the door. 

———————————————————

Bucky continued to stare blankly out the window, the ride entirely too quiet for Sam or Steve's liking. Steve still had so many questions about Bucky's time in Siberia, but he didn't want to push too much, the memories obviously paining him. 

"The soldiers... They're in cryo there?" Bucky nodded without turning to his friend. 

"You trained them, so you know how to control them," Steve posed, only to be met with a shrug.

"I know how to give them orders, control is a different thing." Steve hates how this situation has seemed to break the man who was becoming more like the best friend he remembered. He understood HYDRA had tortured him for many years, and he could see the guilt in his eyes whenever he was confronted with a kill made by the Winter Soldier, but this was different. These soldiers seem to have an even darker effect on Bucky than anything else the Winter Soldier had been involved with. 

"What happened? Why would HYDRA put them in cryo and basically abandon the project?" Sam had no problem probing the man. Steve shot him a glaring look, Sam shrugging him off, looking at Bucky in the rear view mirror. 

"Like I said, you can give them orders, but even after brainwashing and wiping, it was difficult for HYDRA to keep any semblance of control. They were becoming too unpredictable, they were risking exposing them, or worse, overthrowing them." Bucky's eyes became dark, memories flashing through his mind. 

———————————————————-

February 1992

"Enough, Soldat," her voice snapping the soldier from his rage, fist frozen inches from the other mans face. 

"Your mission is to kill, no need to play with the targets, Kroger," she tisked, cleaning her blade of the blood from the man at her feet. Kroger looked at the man underneath his fists, completely unrecognizable, and unconscious. His efforts would be wasted anyway, he scoffed, twisting his jaw swiftly, and he swore he saw a shudder from the woman at the sound. He stood, dusting off his pants, before striding past her. 

"Problem, Scarlet?" He chided, before continuing out the window in which the came. 

"With causing a larger scene than needed, or generally just wasting time? Yes. Yes I do." She didn't need to see his face to know he was rolling his eyes mockingly. 

"Come now vdova, it's been months since I've had anyone's face to rearrange besides Josef's, and him and Todd have been getting a little too buddy buddy lately- and I don't want to wake up with a pigs head in my bed," Nadia let out a groan. Dimitri Todd, probably the most sadistic of their team, had an equally sick sense of humor. Nadia had words with him, after a particularly egregious display on a mission, risking exposing them in order to take out a woman and child who had escaped after hearing the screams of their target. She has called him a pig, and well, he deemed it appropriate to slaughter a pig where she slept. Iev Kroger continued to lead her to their rendezvous point, she could only make out the shadows of trees, until she saw the familiar glint of metal reflecting the moonlight. 

"Mission Report," he huffed, checking the time. Nadia rolled her eyes at his impatience. 

"Calm down, Soldier. We're only 2 minutes late," she nodded to Iev who straightened his stature before clearing his throat.

"Two enemies of Hydra, targets 7263 and 7264, have been exterminated. No casualties or witnesses." Kroger rattled off to the metal armed man, his expression unchanged, but Iev was met with a nod. The Winter Soldier turned his back before entering the helicopter, Iev looking to Nadia who just shrugged. They were never sure which Winter Soldier they'd be faced with, but particularly after 'recalibration' he was especially cold. 

Nadia took a moment to look around at her surroundings before pulling herself into the helicopter. The cold air causing a shiver to climb up her spine. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, while the temperature caused a slight discomfort in her lungs, she wasn't sure how long it would be before she was out again so she reveled in it. Movement in front of her jolted her back to reality, eyes opening to see a gleaming hand outstretched towards her. She looked upwards, steely blue eyes boring down on her, expression still unreadable. She frowned slightly, using the outstretched arm to pull herself inside the aircraft, door sliding shut behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Since Bucky refers to this group of people as "Winter Soldiers" I frequently have them referring to each other as 'Soldier', but Bucky is ONLY known as Winter Soldier to them. While the other soldiers are also "brainwashed" to an extent, they are given their names. However, Nadia is still referred to mostly as the Scarlet Widow. 
> 
> Vdova - Widow in Russian  
Thanks for reading! Vote, comment, etc. <3


	5. Survival

February 1989

The cot creaked as Nadia sat, blankly staring at the cold concrete wall in front of her. The steady drip of the sink in the corner the only thing grounding her to reality. She had been frozen in place, she's not sure how long. She closes her eyes and hears the doctors voice, barking orders to those who scuttled around her. She can still feel the cool metal around her wrists as the clasped closed. 'Refusal to comply, detrimental to the program, calibration needed'. The words the doctor dictated to the assistant burned into her subconscious. She had been in the hole, as she so lovingly named the underground lair they kept them in, for what seemed like at least a year, but could have been only a few months, possibly even weeks. Deprived of any true passage of time, she measured by the amount of times she was allowed to sleep, which seemed to be few and far between.

She was avoiding the man standing in the shadows against the opposite wall from her -She recognized him immediately from her training, he was brutal and taught her most of her hand to hand combat skills, how to take down even an enemy of his stature (he had probably a foot and a hundred pounds on her). Karpov seemed pleased by her ability to hold her own against him her first night, although any further training sessions were on hold until Nadia became 'amenable to their cause'.

She was never alone - they learned their lesson after the first night she was left in her room alone following several days of Karpov's team attempting to find a way to break her. She took some minor joy in their frustration at first - with pain being their most successful route for compliance, it was not overly useful in her case. You'd think that would make her feel fortunate, but no. Pain would be a welcome change for her. The men assigned to break her were sadistic creatures. They prayed on a persons general survival instinct - one that drove her training in the red room, one that all had left her during these last few weeks. Death was more appealing to Nadia than this. So, she earned a babysitter. His gaze was cold, blinking only every few minutes. Unwavering, he stood at attention against the wall, metal arm reflecting what little light filtered in through her small window into the hallway. She forced her eyes closed, slipping into a dreamless sleep, feeling his steely gaze unmoving from her. 

—————————

A particularly rough day left Nadia with several broken ribs, what she could only assume came with a collapsed lung with the blood she was coughing up. They have figured out that her healing has a limit - that one injury would heal rather rapidly, but the more serious the injury, or more numerous injuries, take longer to heal. Just because she felt no pain didn't mean they wouldn't let her suffer. Her lungs burned as she slowly tried to catch her breath. She felt him shift uncomfortably as she tried to drag herself to lean against the wall of her cell, groaning as her body refused - her shoulder definitely dislocated. She cursed them under her breath, about to give up and collapse onto the floor when a cool metal moved under her uninjured arm and easily repositioned her against the cool metal wall. Nadia sighed, as the feeling was soothing against the burns along her back.

"Thank you" she wheezed out. All she received back from him was a blank stare, but she swore she could see something else there - guilt? Pity? It was brief but it was obvious on his normally stoic demeanor.

"You think they'll get bored of this anytime soon?" He looked slightly confused by her question before knitting his brows together, as if he was actually think about the answer. Nadia figures it's probably the first time he's ever been asked anything - besides a mission report.

He shook his head solemnly. Nadia nodded to him in response - knowing that was the answer she expected before closing her eyes and leaning her head against the wall behind her. She felt his gloved hand on her dislocated shoulder, and she opened one eye to examine him. He gestured at her shoulder with his metal hand, she nodded, bracing herself for the pressure. He was able to pop it back into place easily - Nadia moved it in a circle slowly testing its placement. He stood from position in front of her, moving back to his post across the room.

"Thank you," she whispered softly again. His nod this time was paired with a small sympathetic smile - even between the blood loss and small concussion she was fighting, she was positive that's what she saw before slipping out of consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review, comment, kudos <3  
Thanks for reading!


	6. Allegiance

"You're not gonna stop." Natasha stood in front of the two men, hands on her hips.

Steve sighed, shrugging, "You know I can't"

Natasha looked at Bucky, eyes narrowing. "What's wrong with your face?"

Both Steve and Natasha look over to Bucky who was avoiding eye contact with either of them. All color had drained from his face, like he had seen a ghost.

"What is it Buck?"

Bucky brings his eyes up to Natasha's slowly, struggling to put words together. 

She squints her eyes at him suspiciously

"If it's about that time you shot me, it's fine I forgive you" she started, he looked confused at first than shook his head.

"More about why I missed," he retorted, her mouth opened to argue before another explosion shook the hangar.

Steve grabbed his friends arm. "Buck if this can wait we really need to go.."

"No. He's hiding something from me. What is it." Natasha pressed on, pulled her gun and held it ready at her side

Finally, Bucky raised his eyes to hers, "Nadia," he breathed.

Natasha's eyes widened before a scowl came over her face and she brought the gun up to point directly at him.

"What do you know of her," Natasha growled. She pushed the gun against his forehead when he didn't immediately answer her. Bucky raised his hands in submission.

Steve raised his hands up in front of him, moving slowly towards the red head, "Natasha, stop."

Bucky locked eyes with her, guilt flooded him. "Natasha.. I,"

An explosion behind her hastened her questioning, she released the safety on the gun, "Tell me what you know,"

Bucky sighed, "She's in Siberia. I need to go get her before Zemo gets there. That's where he's heading. The Soldier gave him the coordinates. That's what he wanted."

Natasha face warped into that of shock, and fear.

"How.. wha- I'm coming with you." She placed the gun back into her holster, beginning towards the quinjet.

Steve stepped in front of her, placing a hand on her chest. "No, you don't know what you're walking into. It's dangerous."

Natasha gritted her teeth, shoving Steve's hand from her. "It's my sister, Steve."

Steve stood frozen for a moment, looking back at Bucky who still had the look of guilt plastered all over his face.

Natasha repeated herself, planting her feet against Steve. "I'm coming with you."

Steve looked over at Bucky, who just shook his head.

Steve sighed, placing his hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes. "Nat, you need to trust me. I will bring her back to you. But if what Bucky has told me about this place is true, you might not want to be on the front lines in your condition."

Natasha didn't immediately respond. She looked between the men and heard footsteps running up behind her. She glared at Bucky before sighing in defeat.

"I'm gonna regret this." She turns quickly drawing her icer gun, stunning T'Challa who had run up on them. 

"Go, bring her back to me Steve." She called to the men who turned to run towards the jet. Steve paused only for a moment as he heard her struggle, before Bucky grabbed him and hauled him into the jet, quickly shutting the door and readying the engine.

———————————

After entering the coordinates and setting autopilot, Steve returned to the jets hull where Bucky sat.

"How come you never told me?"

"About what?"

"About her, that you worked with Nat's sister."

"I... my memories come back when they are triggered. It seems like Zemo asking me about this safe house triggered the memories from the time I was there, from the missions with the other soldiers".

"So she was apart of the winter soldier program?"

"Yes. The KGB sold her to hydra. They didn't believe they could have two black widows, so they named her the Scarlet Widow and sold her to the highest bidder. They managed to get their hands on a vial of Howard Starks version of the Super Soldier serum, and used it on her. She was the first of them."

"So Natasha.."

"Thought she was dead. That's what the KGB wanted her to think. Less attachment. I was surprised that Nadia lasted as long as she did. When I was brought in to help train them, I remember thinking how weak in comparison to her sister she was."

"So you remember training them?"

Bucky nodded.

"And that's why you didn't kill Natasha? Because you remembered her?"

Bucky was silent for a moment before shaking his head.

"No, I missed because she reminded me of Nadia," he pulled at the skin around his fingernails, trying to ignore the sympathetic eyes of his best friend. 

Steve took a moment to respond. "Buck, if they're as dangerous as you say they are.." 

"She's not," he quickly interjected. 

"Right... So why didn't you mention her earlier?" 

Bucky leaned his face into his hands, elbows posted onto his knees and sighed. "I'm trying to work out what was real, Steve. I half expected Natasha to look at me like I was crazy back there." 

Steve nodded, patting his friend on the shoulder before moving to head back into the cockpit. 

"What's going to happen to Natasha? To the rest of your friends?" Steve stopped in his tracks at the sudden change of subject, stumbling over his answer and shaking his head. 

"Whatever it is, I'll deal with it." He forced a comforting smile, but Bucky was looking off elsewhere before he shook his head solemnly.

"I don't know if I'm worth all this, Steve," Bucky sighed.

"What you did all those years . . . it wasn't you. You didn't have a choice," Steve reassured. 

**"**I know. But I did it," Bucky solemnly whispered, hanging his head. 

\---------------------------

_March 1989_

Nadia groaned awake, body stiff from healing whatever injuries the prior day incurred. She brought her arm up to cover her eyes, room brighter than usual. Confusion and panic overtook her, she shot up into a sitting position, the old cot squealed in defiance echoing down the empty hallway outside her room. The light filtering in was from the open cell door - she quickly searched the room, everything was in place except the Soldier was missing. Her heart dropped for a moment, only for her to scold herself silently. They had gotten into a routine, she would defy compliance protocols, Karpov's goons would try and find a new way to break her, and then he would help in the little ways he could to put her back together again. Her skin still flushed at the feeling of his fingers working to pull out metal splinters from wounds in her back several hours ago.

She shook away the thought and jumped off the bed, moving swiftly to the doorway. They had taken her corridor off of the security rotation since she had the best watchdog they had - so no footsteps could be heard. Adrenaline was coursing through her body, screaming at her to make a break for it. But there was a small part of her that couldn't ignore how suspicious this was, and how she was most likely walking into a elaborate trap orchestrated to torment her.   
'Or they've finally done enough damage that you've slipped into a coma and this is all just a figment of your subconscious while you lie unconscious somewhere in this shithole'

Nadia slipped out of the room, moving quietly down the dimly lit hallways. She's determined there wasn't many staff here, or prisoners for that matter. She's seen the same 15-20 guards, and maybe 10 working with the doctor. She knew there were others 'training' - who by the doctors accounts were earning their chance to become a Winter Soldier, and Nadia should be _honored_ to have been the second while there was so many lining up to have this opportunity.

Around the time she slipped down the third corridor, she realized that she only knows which ways _not_ to go - not towards the gym, the lab, the numerous other rooms used for their 'calibration' attempts - but no clue how to get out. She was sure they were underground, she hasn't seen one window or heard any sort of noise from the outside world since she's been here. However, there are no stairs, an elevator, anything. She slows to a stop, realizing the further she moves, she could be putting herself closer to being discovered by whatever patrol they have walking the compound. A small sound causes her to look up - moving air. There was an air duct directly above her. She looked for something to get up - before she felt a presence standing over her. She spins around, and her elbow was caught midair in the cold mechanical hand that caused relief to flood her. He looked concerned, and they glanced down the hallway as they heard fast paced footsteps and whispers moving in their direction.

Nadia pointed up towards the air duct. "Do you think you can do me another favor?" a small smile aiding her plea. He hurriedly looked between her and the air duct, and for a moment Nadia was convinced he was going to let them get caught, until she felt his hands grab her hips and lifted her up above his head with ease. She quickly moved to open the grate, putting her arms on either sides pulling herself up and in, planting her feet on either side of the shaft as the grate closed underneath of her. The footsteps became much closer now, and we're echoing through the duct work. She remained as still as possible, willing herself to stop breathing as to not draw any attention to her precarious position. The footsteps stopped just underneath her.

"Soldat, otchet?" _(Soldier, report?)_ her heart stopped when she recognized the voice - Karpov. They were already looking for her, meaning she wasn't getting far - the perimeter was most likely already locked down. 

"Tsel' ne byla naydena. Etot etazh chist." _(Target has not been found. The floor is clear)_ She heard Karpov take a step closer to the Soldier.

"Yesli ona uydet, eto budet tvoya golova, soldat." _(If she is gone - it will be your head, Soldier.)_ he sneered, before he pushed passed the soldier, the second man scurrying to catch up with him. She could hear Karpov yelling into their communication devices but her head couldn't stop spinning to care to listen. She absolutely believed that Karpov would not kill their most prized possession. Unfortunately, Nadia also knew the lengths they go to to punish those who get in their way, and that left a knot in her stomach she just couldn't shake.

  
"Yebat'" _(fuck)_ she muttered under her breath before kicking out the grate underneath her feet and jumping down with a thud. She was met with boots she wasn't anticipating, and that familiar uneasy feeling returned to her chest.

"Ah, nice of you to join us little Widow." The coyingly sweet tone caused her to grind her teeth to keep from grimacing.

"Take the Soldier back to the lab, and set him up for a wipe, he seems to be a little, _off. _I think I figured out just what it might take to make the little Widow see our way." Four men grabbed the soldier, forcing him down the hallway, while one grabbed Nadia, more forcefully than what was necessary. She looked over her shoulder to Karpov who was keeping pace about 5 steps behind her, a look of complete satisfaction plastered on his face confirmed Nadia's suspicion that she had walked right into her next nightmare.


	7. Name

December 1991

"He called me James," his voice sounded like gravel through his mask. He hadn't moved from his place by the boarded up window of their safe house.

"Is that your name?" Nadia looked up from the lukewarm stew she whipped up from some ingredients she grabbed from the corner store on her way home. His bowl remained untouched across the table from hers.

"I... don't know." His metal fist clenched and relaxed by his side, frustration clear.

Nadia tore her eyes away from the man, pain radiating off of him. She shifted in her seat, lump forming in her throat. They sat in uneasy silence for several minutes while she forced down the rest of her meal. She slowly stood, moving to the sink and washing out her bowl. She stood several feet from him, uncomfortably shifting her weight back and forth, looking for anything to say to comfort the man. She let out a small sigh, turning to head towards her room down the hall.

"Do you have a name?" His voice seemed smoother now, but quiet. She stalled at the doorway, and looked back over her shoulder nodding.

"Nadia" I replied, matching his tone. He had turned to look at her, responding with a singular nod.

"Nadia," it barely came out as a whisper. Goosebumps radiated over her skin at the sound of her name on his lips. A nervousness had come over her, as if sudden movements would scare this brief sign of humanity away. Once he returned his attention back to the limited view between the boards, Nadia sighed to her self and slipped into one of the bedrooms, quietly shutting the door behind her.

He had broken protocol, right before her eyes. It scared her, the target triggered something in him. The man in the house, he started it. Nadia stood post as he entered through the second story window. She heard one gunshot before he re-emerged empty handed.

He stalked away from the house back down the driveway towards where they had hidden their motorcycles. She took after him in a jog, quickly hoping on her own bike to take after him down the dark dim lit streets. It was about 3am, so there weren't many cars on the road, but Nadia was pushing 200mph to keep up with him, her eyes darting between following her rogue teammate, and watching for some innocent wildlife to dart into the road.

She saw brake lights up ahead as she broached over a hill, and he sped up towards it. He quickly overtook the car, causing it to slam on their brakes, swerving out of control into a nearby lamp post. She caught up as the driver opened the door, coughing and trying to catch his breath. Nadia kept her hand on her pistol at her hip as she watched the soldier round the car and grab the man by his collar, hoisting him up. Nadia noticed the woman in the passenger seat, stirring and groaning in pain slightly. Her eyes narrowed, releasing the safety on her gun. Her mission was clear, she was sent in as backup - this was his mission.

"J-James" the man coughed. Nadia pulled her gun from her holster. Eyes narrowing at the man. She watched the soldier hesitate - her heart rate began to quicken. Targets are never alive long enough to speak, let alone cause him to falter. Her mind ran through several possibilities. She cursed Hydra and their secrets - she was only ever given location and description of targets - no names, no reasons. Just executions. Could he be a previous handler? No. She had never heard him called 'James' before. That was too human. That was before they made him a machine. He knew the man inside the machine. Her heart sunk to her stomach, her aim dropping from the man slightly.

"James, your name is James Buchanan Barnes. My name is Howard Stark, we worked together. Howling Commandos, you were.." He was cut off by the soldiers metal fist tightening around his neck. Nadia let our a gasp. She wanted the man to continue. She wanted to hear who the Soldier was - who he is.

The man choked, clearly struggling for air, but continued on. "Y-You are a good man, James. I-I forgive y-you. This is not you. This is Hydra. This is n-not y-you" he sputtered out, before his breathing stopped and the soldier let his body slump to the ground. Nadia pinched her brows together as he moved to the trunk, ripping it open and grabbing its contents. He looked up, before pulling out his pistol and shooting at the lamp post, disengaging a traffic camera of some sort. He didn't even look at her before returning to his bike and riding off in the direction of the rendezvous point.

Nadia stalled for a moment. The woman was not fatally injured, and she was also pretty convinced that the man had only passed out. She looked down at her gun, mission commands echoing in her ears. Her feet heavy, began moving her in the direction of the crash. 'If the mission is not completed, under any circumstances, he will be terminated. And you wouldn't want that, now would you little Widow?' His words send a chill down her spine even as her subconscious plays back those words.

She reached the man, as she heard his breathing quicken before he let out a gasp, regaining consciousness.

She drew her gun on him, pressing it against his forehead as he struggled to straighten his self against the car.

"How do you know those things about him? Who are you? Why do they want you dead?" She demanded, pressing the barrel into his skin.  
The man laughed, which made Nadia's skin burn.  
"He's still in there. He didn't kill me."  
"Answer the questions"  
"Why do you care?"

"Ah. Because you care," that smirk made Nadia want to pull the trigger right there, but curiosity itched at the back of her mind. She remained silent, unmoving. He let out another cough before clearing his throat.

"You're still going to kill me,"

"I have to."

"You're like him," she didn't respond. She wasn't like him. She didn't know how to answer, or if it was even a question. He didn't give her much time before he continued.

"He was captured by hydra in 1943. They brainwashed him, he's their weapon. I've been tracking his actions, he pops in and out, disappears for years. I didn't know him that well, but what I know is that he was a good man" They 

"I'm sorry" the words slipped so freely from her lips she didn't even have the chance to catch herself. He nodded, features softening.

She pushed the memory of his face from her mind, his words haunting her, 'you're like him,' echoing. She always knew he was an unwilling participant, the cycles of memory wipes and cryo made that quite obvious. He was a prisoner, she, well, she wasn't so sure what she was anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning shows what was shown to Iron Man as the CCTV footage, which I still believe would lead to the canon fight seen (good ole Tony Stark jumping to conclusions)
> 
> Kudos, comment, review! <3
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Retribution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This begins at the fight in Siberia in Civil War. I did not want to rewrite the scene with Zemo, but I assume you know what goes on. If not, you should definitely see it!

**2016 **

The click of the safety behind his head froze Tony in his assault on Bucky. Steve froze from his place on the ground, eyes locked with the woman. 

“Release him,” her voice stern, cold. Tony released his grasp on the robotic arm, Bucky falling to his knees, holding it to his chest. The whining of the motors showing the obvious damage. 

Tony slowly moved his hands to the air, the cold metal of the barrel of the gun still pressed firmly to the back of his skull. 

“Okay, okay.” He pressed a bottom, disengaging the suit, glancing over to Steve who's blood had completely run from his face. 

“On your knees,” she ordered, thrusting his head forward with the gun. Tony slowly kneeled, teetering slightly as he kept his hands up. 

She moved to walk in front of the man. His jaw dropped, mouth slightly agape. He looked between both Steve and Bucky - looking for some sort of mutual bewilderment, but the two men were both avoiding eye contact, whether it was with him or the woman he's unsure. 

She studied him, gun still poised at his head, only a few moments passed before she lowered her gun slowly. 

“You are their son,” she whispered. Tony furrowed his brows, grinding his jaw to stop himself from letting a sarcastic comment slip out. She didn’t seem to be the joking type - and she had the upper hand. Her mannerisms separated her from his comrade that shared her likeness. 

He just responded with a single nod. She let her hand fall to her side, glancing over at Bucky. Even through the fight, he looked healthier. His combat definitely lacked in his usual deadly skills, but it looked as though the patriotic man and the soldier were only fighting to stop the metal man, not injure him. Which means that he means something to the soldier, and this man thinks he eliminated his parents. The betrayal was clear in his eyes. The soldier was avoiding looking at anyone, but Nadia could see the pain in his eyes, guilt, regret. The tightening in her chest caused her to let out a sigh, returning her gaze to the gun in her hand. She swiftly flipped the weapon, pointing the grip to the man. 

"The kill was not his," Tony looked between the woman and the gun, furrowed brows displaying his confusion. The soldiers gaze shot up to the woman, indignation replacing the previous emotions.

"Nadia.." Bucky began, voice strained as he struggled to breath. Nadia glanced at him for only a moment, his blue eyes meeting hers - before returning to the metal man. 

Tony watched the shared glance between Bucky to the woman again before grabbing the gun from her tentatively. 

"If retribution is what you need.. take it from the guilty" she challenged. Nadia observed a series of emotions cross the mans face before her - rage, rising to his feet, placing the barrel of the gun to her forehead; guilt, as he slowly dropped his hand down; sorrow, as he looked between the two men still hunched in pain on the floor. He dropped the gun to the floor and pushed passed Nadia, stalking out of the building. 

Steve moved to help Bucky stand, but before they had him on two feet, Nadia had already disappeared out of the compound.

\-------------------------------------------------

**1989 **

"How did you do it, little widow?" The doctor had been sitting in the chair next to hers for what seemed like hours. They were in a small room with a window, watching the assistants strapping the soldier into a contraption, securing his head into place and attaching a bunch of wires. Dread had made a home in her chest, slowly weighing down her ability to breath. Karpov clearing his throat brought her back to their little interview. He had asked her several things, Nadia has responded only with silence.

"Answer my question, Scarlet, or we won't make this easy," Nadia scoffed. She wasn't sure when they ever made anything _easy_. 

"I don't know," she huffed, crossing her arms across her chest. 

The screech of his chair as he pushed it out from under him to stand over her made her heart race, willing herself to keep her cool. 

"If your relationship with our weapon causes this kind of insubordination again, I'll make what you're about to witness seem like Sunday mass," he snarled, leaning so close to her face she could feel his breath. He smirked, returning back to his own chair. He pressed the button on the side of his radio, "Nachat'" (_Begin_) 

Nadia laid in her cot, alone in her room for the first time in months. However, the screams echoing in her head make her wish she were truly alone. She wiped a tear that fell on to her cheek, scolding herself for allowing herself to find some sort of camaraderie in the soldier. Attachments leave you weak, and now they have her in their control. 

_'At least until I can get us out.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short, I have been working it for a couple weeks, and I just want to move passed it. 
> 
> Comments/kudos!!


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